In Conversation: Madi Diaz
"Every heartbreak is super isolating..."
“Can’t be a new person in an old place,” suggests *Madi Diaz* on the tenth track of her forthcoming album 'History Of A Feeling'. In some ways, that sentiment is emblematic of the viscerally heartbroken tone of the entire record.
A deeply personal and wonderfully intimate anthology that sees the Nashville-based singer-songwriter explore a devastating breakup, 'History Of A Feeling' is a welcome addition to the ever-growing literature of delicate folk.
Ahead of the record’s release, Clash caught up with Diaz to chat about songwriting, returning to live performance, and what inspired her latest effort.
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*I know this is weird to ask, especially as we’re emerging from the pandemic, but how are you? How’s your life?*
Life is actually really good. I was playing shows in California opening for Little Big Town this last week and I played a full set of sad songs and I’ve been having to say out loud to the crowd of people, “just for your information, things are actually pretty good right now. I’m not that sad anymore. Yay!”
*Is it weird for you when you’re in this good place now to sing some of those really hard-hitting and emotional songs?*
It’s really not. I feel lucky to have written a record that I feel can transcend my one experience, you know what I mean? It even points back to my relationships previous to this one, like my first serious boyfriend and how crazy things got. The song 'Crying In Public', I had a really close friend text me and say that he was so comforted by the song because it reminded him of his grandmother and the people in his family that had passed on.
That’s a thing that I kind of carry with me and sing these songs. It just makes it a little bit easier now that some of the songs are out in the world. It’s kind of like, oh, we can share the load together. Even that these songs are connecting, which is so crazy to me, kind of lightens the load a little bit.
*The record itself is deeply personal, even just looking at the album cover gives you a sense as to how intimate it is. Does this record feel more vulnerable and personal than some of your previous efforts?*
I think so. I think I definitely wrote as closely to my heart as I ever have. But, it was so cathartic, the only thing to do was take what I was putting down in my journal or take what I was saying and talking about with my friends and write these songs with my friends. It felt like sort of a confessional as opposed to carrying all of these thoughts and things around with me. It’s been really relieving to just say it out loud, like “I’m bummed out!”
It’s not forever, everything is temporary and the hurt and the hard stuff that I carried definitely stuck around for a minute, but it was temporary and I’m just in such a different place now. So, it is a little easier to turn around and sing those songs because I feel like I’m kind of standing on my own two feet.
*The melodies, particularly on 'Man In Me' and 'Resentment' feel so familiar, friendly, and warm. What records were you listening to while you were making and writing the record?*
I was kind of all over the place. I was somewhere between obsessively listening to super poppy Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey, and then revisiting old Led Zeppelin records that I loved a lot. Lori McKenna’s The Bird and the Rifle was one that I had obsessively listened to for a number of years and it’s such a comforting record.
I was also very much bumping Demi Lovato. It’s the one with “Sorry Not Sorry” on it, I was obsessively listening to that record. I listened to that record almost every day for a long time.
*I did not expect Demi Lovato of all artists.*
[Laughing] I mean, when you’re trying to get your shit back and you’re trying to hop on a fucking treadmill at eight o’clock in the morning you just need it so badly. Oh, God. [laughing]
*I heard the bulk of the songs were inspired by dealing with your former partner’s exploration of their gender identity and the loss associated with that. Did you write these songs with generality and accessibility in mind or were you just thinking of your own situation?*
My individual experience was super specific, but I don’t think heartbreak is super specific, and I think heartbreak is one of the most common experiences, you know? There’s freedom in that experience, being kind of like a binding, connecting experience.
With these songs, I do want them to feel like I’m just trying to wave a flag and be like, “Have you guys ever felt that way?” Every heartbreak is super isolating and every individual hurt experience can feel super isolating and I felt super isolated. I did my best to write down how I was feeling and try to be like, “You feel me?”
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*Why did you choose to call the record 'History Of A Feeling'?*
I decided to call it 'History Of A Feeling' because the crux of the record is really like, “How did I get here? How did I end up on this road? How did I end up going through this period of my life? How am I and why am I the way that I am?” It was kind of like tracing that line back to the source of the thing and back to the root cause.
There are these patterns that we start to see in ourselves and I think 'History Of A Feeling' is a little bit, it’s not unpacking that as much as it is going, “Oh, that’s what it is!?” It’s the actual history line. It’s almost the artery from the tip of the finger all the way to the heart.
*As someone who’s spent a lot of time with these songs, what is the most emotional or hard-hitting song to you?*
I think 'Do It Now' has a big spot in my present-day heart, just because I think it represents this very earnest desire to turn the page and clearly having feelings for somebody but being terrified knowing how that can end up.
Knowing a little bit more about what I’m working with, I can keep my side of the street clean a little bit better than I was able to before. And so, I think 'Do It Now' is the one that rings true for me right now.
*Are you raring to get back out there and play shows?*
I love, love, love, love playing shows, I really do. I love singing live, I love playing different spaces. I’m feeling a little trepidatious with the state of the world right now and I feel fortunate that all my shows for the next little while are outdoors, so that feels pretty cool to me.
It’s funny, I’ve really made a nice home life for myself in the last few years. I’m in a really wonderful relationship and share a dog and I love my writing life here. I love my friends here. It’s hard, I’m kind of a homebody. I was not a homebody in my twenties and I’m 35 and it’s a little daunting, you know? It feels a little reckless, but I am excited to go play these songs.
*You’ve been at this for a while. Do these songs get stale? Or, do they take on different meanings after you play them so much?*
They don’t get stale, they definitely take on different meanings. They start to apply themselves and you really have no control over it. That's the curious part of me where I’m just like, “I wonder what History of a Feeling is going to mean to me by the end of the year.” Chances are, it might be something totally different or I’ll have a whole slew of stories that get attached to that thing and I pull on stage. It’s not bad, it’s just a thing that happens.
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'History Of A Feeling' is out now.
Words: *Hayden Godfrey*
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